When I decided to have my children, I anticipated a few things: disturbed nights, perineal stitching, unending devotion (of me, obviously). But there was one sickening development that I hadn’t prepared myself for. By the simple act of having children I became – in the eyes of many – stupid. If I’d been commonly thought to be stupid before my gametes did their business, I probably wouldn’t have noticed. But I wasn’t, and so I did. And some years later, when I come across garbage like this piece from Eva Wiseman (purveyor of dreary columns about make-up), it still pricks me. Like Winston at the beginning of Nineteen Eighty-Four, I haven’t yet settled to the inevitability of my fate.
Yes, mothers are thick. Haven’t you heard? They’re bovine and unreflective. They can’t help it; it’s just what happens. They’re ruled by their emotions, unable to think clearly about anything beyond the next nappy change. If they continue to work full-time (in a proper job – you know, in an important sector, like the media) then they might just hang on to their personalities and intellect; but you’ve got to admit, it’s a struggle, and one that most of them lose.
Another thing about mothers: they lose all sense of perspective; their worlds shrink. It’s not their fault, of course. What with all the tiredness, and their new-found stupidity, and their inability to reflect, there’s something inevitable in the closing of their minds. And frankly, in a lot of ways, it’s preferable. After all, who wants mothers going anywhere near a voting booth, or offering up their ridiculous views? They can’t possibly have anything useful to say about anything that occurs beyond their front doors, and they’d only embarrass themselves. They may once have understood electoral reform, or cultural tropes, or pastoral agriculture in sub-Saharan Africa; but these things are lost to them now.
So when – bless them - they step blinking into the sunlight, and put forward a point of view – about culture, about sexuality, about politics, about geothermal engineering - it’s really best that they should be ridiculed and dismissed. It’s for their own good, you see: they don’t belong in the grown-up world of power and debate; not any more. They’re in the twilight zone of motherhood, en route to the utter invisibility that our society is kind enough to accord to older women. It’s really best that they get used to it.
Hi- I said similar in a thing I did at the Oxford Uni Gender and Equality Festival. Feel free to delete link, if you have rules on spam or anything.
http://lisaansell.posterous.com/speech-i-gave-at-oxford-universitys-gender-an
Thanks Lisa – good stuff. (I think this probably belongs as a comment on the previous post about motherhood and the pay gap?)
I saw Eva Wiseman’s column- was fairly ludicrous.
Nice!.. I’ll be reading you
Don’t think it’s sexist – it’s carer-ist … I’m a stay at home father and they do it to me too. And I have to say the Mums are pretty sexist too (I don’t get invites to coffee mornings, not even before I became bitter !!!).
No one puts a value on parenting anymore, least of all if you don’t outsource it to someone called ‘Magda’ who chainsmokes whilst delivering your little newborn to nursery, whilst you push your way onto tube trains at 7:30am, and nobody repeat nobody cooks a meal from scratch at home unless half cut on Chablis and reading Jamie Oliver’s latest. Ps no one knows where she lives (Magda)….
… The home dries up and with it the love respect and intimacy between the stressed parents; the alternative? One of you continues to work and the poor schmuck stuck behind the kitchen sink gets talked down to by anyone with delusions of city grandeur at any social gathering for six or seven years, then you find the kids are old enough to not need your (or Magda’s) role and you’ll struggle to get offered anything more meaningful than school business admin and then only if you’re bitchy enough to fight off 58 other applicants deemed too young to be a GP’s receptionist.
… Serves you right for getting off the hamster wheel? It bloody shouldn’t. If you’re really unlucky your now resentful (you’ve had all the fun, right ?!?) and pompous over professionalised partner will lose respect and feelings of attraction for you at about the same time … I believe the saying is ‘F**k My Life’.
I love my kids and they’re worth this shit and tons more so my attitude towards those lovely people is ‘F*** ‘em’ all – they’re just not worth your time and emotion.
Incidentally, if like mine, your partner won’t respect your sacrifice and support you emotionally when others treat you like crap then dump them and email me ! I’ll cook you a great paella and tell you how wonderful you really are, you may even get a back rub once I get to know you properly
)
‘Til then chin up- you are sooooo very, very important to those little shining faces you tuck into bed every night, and you need to take care of yourself for them.
Ax
stopathomedad.blogspot.com
Don’t think it’s sexist – it’s carer-ist … I’m a stay at home father and they do it to me too. We’re carers. And I have to say some of the Mums are pretty sexist too (I don’t get invites to coffee mornings, not even before I became bitter !!!).
No one puts a value on parenting anymore, least of all if you don’t outsource it to someone called ‘Magda’ who chainsmokes whilst delivering your little newborn to nursery, whilst you push your way onto tube trains at 7:30am, and nobody repeat nobody cooks a meal from scratch at home unless half cut on Chablis and reading Jamie Oliver’s latest. Ps no one knows where she lives (Magda)….
… The home dries up and with it the love respect and intimacy between the stressed parents; the alternative? One of you continues to work and the poor schmuck stuck behind the kitchen sink gets talked down to by anyone with delusions of city grandeur at any social gathering for six or seven years, then you find the kids are old enough to not need your (or Magda’s) role and you’ll struggle to get offered anything more meaningful than school business admin and then only if you’re bitchy enough to fight off 58 other applicants deemed too young to be a GP’s receptionist.
… Serves you right for getting off the hamster wheel? It bloody shouldn’t. If you’re really unlucky your now resentful (you’ve had all the fun, right ?!?) and pompous over professionalised partner will lose respect and feelings of attraction for you at about the same time … I believe the saying is ‘F**k My Life’.
I love my kids and they’re worth this shit and tons more so my attitude towards those lovely people is ‘F*** ‘em’ all – they’re just not worth your time and emotion.
Incidentally, if like mine, your partner won’t respect your sacrifice and support you emotionally when others treat you like crap then dump them and email me ! I’ll cook you a great paella and tell you how wonderful you really are, you may even get a back rub once I get to know you properly
)
‘Til then chin up- you are sooooo very, very important to those little shining faces you tuck into bed every night, and you need to take care of yourself for them.
Ax
stopathomedad.blogspot.com
I utterly love your blog. Right now I’m too sleep deprived, bovine and unreflective to say anything more articulate, so I’ve nominated you for a Versatile Blogger Award instead. You probably have a trillion, already, but it’s apparently part of the ‘deal’ to tell you that I’ve nominated you. Thank you for being continuously inspiring (I’m prone to schmaltz).
Wow, thank you very much!